Wilderness

It started last summer and has continued on in spite of my best efforts to thwart His better plan.

God really wants us to know Him. Like, really know Him. He has blessed me with several very good friends and it is a wonderful thing indeed to be known; I can understand, a little bit, the pleasure He must derive from us knowing Him more and more. I love getting to know God more, it's the best thing in the world. But I've been so blessed with amazing friends and family, I haven't had to depend wholly and completely on Yahweh for all of my needs; not just the physical and spiritual, but the emotional and relational needs too. Don't get me wrong, I am exceedingly grateful for every relationship God has blessed me with - I think a foundation of love and trust of and from the people around me is a very good thing. But sometimes God wants to remind us of what the best thing is - Him. On Sunday my pastor was talking about wilderness times in our life. Usually, when someone is going through a hard time, people want to help them out, comfort them, show them they care. And sometimes, that's exactly what that persons needs. But sometimes, the wilderness we're going through is God breaking us till we come to the end of ourselves and rely fully on Him, not our own strengths or skills, not our friends who love us but are just human.

Starting near the beginning of last summer, it seems like God has been continually putting me in situations where I feel alone, separating me from my close friends (whether with geographical distance or time), and forcing me to rely on Him only. I have felt like a bit of a loner at times before this, but, though I spend more time with some people than I did before and I'm getting to know some people pretty well, I feel like a lone wolf a majority of the time. I feel as if I don't belong here - in a good way. I can function and even thrive in many different kinds of groups and settings with many different people. I am more comfortable with myself now than I have ever been before. But the only sense of "belonging" I get is when I'm spending time with God. Yeah, people are cool and I love them a lot. But right now, people just aren't doing it for me; I don't need them to. God is where it's at. I am His Beloved and that's enough for me.

At the same time, my Lord is showing me how He provides everything. I sometimes don't want to invest in other people because I know how much I want to love each one and it seems overwhelming to try and love that many people that much. But the more I poor out love for others, the more God fills me up. And so, He even provides the love I need to serve His people.

I am the daughter of Yahweh, His precious and valued child. He provides for my every need and satisfies every desire of my heart. He knows me and loves me and is molding me into who He wants me to be (while teaching me how to be more pliable). He is my Rock and my Salvation, whom shall I fear?

"But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation. 

I will sing the LORD's praise, 

for he has been good to me."

Psalm 13:5-6

Packing Dilemma

Two reasons for this post:
#1-I figured I should have at least one 2013 post.
#2-I didn't feel like posting two FB statuses about the same event within 5 min of each other.

                So, college is weird. It's like you're on your own, but just kidding, not really. This presents many unique challenges, but the one presenting itself tonight (the day before Thanksgiving Break) is clothes. I can never remember what clothes I left at home or if I brought most of my clothes to school. I spend most of my time now with my base in Kentucky instead of at home, so one would think I brought most of my clothes with me. But, this semester is unique in that I'm actually off campus like half the time and wearing pretty much the same clothes because of the activities I'm partaking in. So I know I tried to bring less clothes because I knew I wouldn't use them all. I still brought too many/have too many in general. Because I have too many clothes, I periodically go through them and get rid of as many as I can. Well, that's not totally true. I could get rid of all of them except for one or two sets. Hmm. Anyways, I generally go through and get rid of clothes as I'm packing for college at the beginning of each semester/school year. So I can never remember what clothes are still at home. This makes it difficult to pack for say, a week-long break because I want to pack light (haha, good one), but I want to be prepared for anything I might do over break. Being at college and being me (3rd child of 6 that I am), I rarely have a great idea of what my family's schedule is over breaks. So I end up packing for every day plus lots of running clothes (just in case) and realizing that I didn't really need that much. But then, sometimes I wish I'd brought types of clothes I didn't. But it's different every time. And I almost always pack the night before (or the hour before) leaving...Hmm, 2013 Thanksgiving break challenge: pack entirely in one backpack. Hehe. If I succeed, my parents will be shocked.

College

    Well, I've done it. I've made one of the "big decisions". First off, I've decided to go to college. And, amazingly enough, I've finally decided where I'm going to go (with lots of help from my parents of course)! This fall I will be attending Asbury University in Wilmore, KY. Wilmore is a little town in the middle of Kentucky about 20 minutes southwest of Lexington. The area is beautiful and so green! The main reason I chose Asbury was because of their horse program. The major I'm looking at is actually a double major called Equine Facilitated Wellness. The 2 majors are Equine Management(now Equine Studies) and Psychology. I got to sit in on a class while my mother and I were visiting and I could easily see myself learning right along with the other students(mostly girls) in the horse program. The equine facilities are nice with 2 barns, an indoor riding arena, and around 300 acres of land with several trails. A unique aspect of the horse program is their Police Horse Training Program in which some of the students get assigned a 2 yr-old colt (a young male horse) to train for several years. I thought that sounded pretty great.=) And that is in addition to all the other things I'll be learning. Anyways, I really liked what I saw, especially the hands-on approach they use which works well for me.
    Asbury is a Christian university, so I'll be learning from a Christian perspective without leaving out non-Christian theories and such. The school is small so the professors get to know their students a little better than at a larger school and the ones I met were very willing to help their students (and us). Also, the dorms are segregated and I'll be required to live on-campus all 4 years, so I'll get to know the girls in my hall/dorm really well.=)
    And now I'm distracted and am done talking about it.=P So anyways, now I feel old and grown up (kind of) and it's weird, but ok.=) And I'm also kinda sad because A Tale of Two Cities will be my last Fine Linen Drama production for awhile at least.='( And I'll be leaving lots of people behind of course.=\ But then, I'll get to meet lots of new people in KY and I'll be learning lots of new things. So I think it'll be worth it.=) Well, that's where I am with life right now. I wonder if anyone actually reads my blog? Hmm, oh well. It's a good place to vent my detailed-ness.=)

Oh, and you may have noticed, I'm not even going to bother apologizing for not blogging in forever. Let's just say it's a given that there will be a very large time gap between every post. Otherwise I'd have to start every post with an apology. That would be annoying. And if I happen to actually start keeping up with my blog, that'll just be an extra special treat. Or maybe extra torture...hmm...

College

Those of you who know me pretty well probably know that I'm not a very good decision maker. It often takes me a long time to decide anything, from what I want to eat a restaurant, to what I wear every day. And most recently, where do I want to go to college and what do I want to major in? The important decisions are the worst, because I really care about whether I make the right decision or not. So that's where I am now, trying to figure out what the best direction to send myself would be and trying to make wise decisions lining up with God's plans and not just my own. Fortunately, I'm not a very good planner-type person, so as long as I can figure out what God's plan is for me, I should be good.=) Sometimes, I wish that my parents would just make all the decisions for me and I would just go wherever they tell me to and I wouldn't have to make decisions. But then I figure that I should learn how to make important decisions on my own (no matter how much I don't like it), because they're going to keep coming at me and I won't always have someone there to decide for me.=) And it would be really silly if I couldn't make decisions on my own. But as long as someone is here to help me make important decisions, I will definitely take advantage of that! But I really wish there were just fewer options. And that I had a more focused interest maybe? I'll figure it out eventually. Hopefully before I go somewhere...

Oh yeah, so FYI, the Atkins diet didn't really work out.=) It's ok though. Now I'm on the "I'll try to take smaller portions" diet. Right. Umm, so I'm a really horrible blogger (as I'm sure y'all know already), so I'm kinda sorta ending this blog. I might maybe post some stuff in the future, but don't count on it.=) I do have fb though, so if you're just dying to know what's up with my life, you can look me up there.=) OK, bye now.